The Fault In Our Stars - Troye Sivan (Official Music Video)

Such a beautiful song inspired by a brilliant book. <3 Please watch. Troye Sivan - Fault In Our Stars

Italy.

Ciao, bella gente.
Italy. What comes to your mind when you think of Italy?
Pizza? Spaghetti? Lasagne? Fashion? Men? Wine?
I'll tell you what comes to my mind.
Beauty, Love, Gelato and Talking with your hands.
I love Italy. Really. With all my heart.
The one time I went to Italy, I was almost 12.
I was so excited. My family and I went to Rome. We lived in a convent.
Okay, now don't laugh. These nuns have this hotel type thing. They rent out rooms to tourists, etc. Anyway, I was in Rome and I was 11. I loved the place. I loved walking down the street and looking at these gorgeous people laugh, fight, talk. I  observed how these plump, rosy cheeked Italian women haggled with the men over fruit and exotic looking vegetables and delicious meats. Roma was beautiful. Enchanting.
Alas, when you're with family, especially if they're Indian, they don't do much. Sure, we went sight seeing, visited the Vatican, ate pizza, etc. But we didn't really sample la bellezza che è l'Italia. Thank God for Google Translate.
I've seen enough movies set in Italy. read books romanticizing the inviting place and its people. I mean, who didn't fall in love with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck zooming around on a Vespa? Or become envious watching Julia Roberts eat a whole lot of food and drink too much wine by herself in Eat, Pray and Love? Or  wished they had a villa like the one in Under the Tuscan Sun?
But what really made me want to go to Italy again was discovering the love the city of Verona holds while I watched Letters to Juliet.
I want to go to Italy. Learn to talk Italian and haggle with vendors and be dramatic by throwing my arms in the air.
I want to own a little cottage. Or stay at a vineyard. I want to become an apprentice in a little restaurant tucked away deep in the city of Roma.
I want to go to Naples and fear getting mugged while eating the best pizza in the world.
I want to sample Wine and walk around in the Italian countryside.
And I don't mind doing all this by myself. And I will. With my own money.
Yes, yes, this is all talk. I'm only 18.
But this is a promise to myself.
So, I'm going to start off by learning Italian.
Then I shall work to get the money for all this.
And then I'll spend a month in Italy. At least.
1 week in Milan.
1 week in Verona.
1 week in Tuscany.
1 week in Rome.
This will just be something for me. Discovering a culture, one might say.
All by myself. 

The world is going cray cray.

I liked it when I didn't know what was awaiting me in the future.
I liked it when I didn't have to make tough choices and worry about inane things.
I liked it when all I worried about was my Marathi exam (UGH, I HATED that subject) and if I would do well in my weekly Algebra exam.
I liked it when I didn't know where the duck I was going to college.
In short, I liked the 10th grade.
It was freeing and worry free.
Well, too bad I don't have a Time Turner. Or a Tardis. Or a good ol' Hot Tub Time Machine (Ahhh, that was a fun movie). I could do with a Hot Tub though.
Now I actually have to make a choice! Between colleges! *cue bratty spoilt girl tantrum and whining*
Yes, I'm still a spoilt bitch.
So yeah, me.
I've had this anger thing going on.
Its undeniably creepy.
When I'm angry, I can feel my anger travelling to my fingertips like sparks.
Like I said. It's creepy.
From this, I concluded that I'm turning into a werewolf. Embracing my animalistic side.
If I do, I'm definitely going to be an Alpha.
Hell, yeah.
Meh, I'm weird like that.
So. College.
That's going to be fun.
Drunken parties and late nights out? Whatevs.
Fun Karaoke parties and midnight walks that turn into drunken gatherings? Fuck yeah.
Like I said, I'm a weird child.
Who's going to college.
All alone.
Living by myself.
On a budget.
Without my mommy.
Cue the quarter life crisis.
Bye munchkins,
Tall Girl M.

WHAT IF.

I got into both my dream schools.
No, not one. But two.
NYU and Sarah Lawrence.
By now you must be like, "Why is this slut so stupid and annoying? Why ain't she jumpin' in the air like a dayum kangaroo?"
WHY? BECAUSE I HAVE TO CHOOSE.
Boohoo, yeah, I need a cookie, whatever.
Yes, yes, children are dying in Africa and I'm crying over choosing between two top notch schools.
I geddit, I'm a selfish bitch.
BUT right now, I don't care. I don't feel guilty.
4 years of my life depend on this.
My entire career might depend on this.
I can't pick the wrong one.
How do I pick the right school for me?
How does one decide between two dreams?
Your most cherished dreams.
Only one. Pick one.
Can you?
Is it easy?
Will your heart break?
Your eyesight blur with salt and water?
Over memories that didn't take place?
People you would've met had you chosen the other path?
Would that path have been better?
Or worse?
What will you choose.
What will you do.

I'm such a drama queen.
Love,
Tall Confused Girl.

Mildly terrifying.

Just.
What.
I can't even..
See there? I now have this annoying habit of not completing my sentences since I've started using Tumblr. Like, to express something, we don't even complete what we have to say and we just KNOW what the other Tumbling peep is feeling.
Which is annoying to the rest of the world.
But who cares?
I don't even

Yeah, so I'm just sitting around on my laptop at the dead of night waiting for University decisions. Which mostly end up being rejections but I oddly don't seem to care.
I don't seem to care about a lot of things these days. Like I have to do something about this. I can't just sit around and eat cheesecake and be all la di fucking da all day. I HAVE TO TRY SOMETHING.
And this is when life starts to terrify me.
What am I doing with me life?
WHY DON'T I CARE ANYMORE?
I used to give a lot of fucks about a lot of fucking things. (Sorry for the overtly annoying swearing)
But now, I'm just so... BLAH.
I hate being BLAH. Being BLAH sucks.
And now Wattpad has ruined my life. RUINED.
SO FUCKING ADDICTING.
Its not even funny how addicting it is. Like seriously!
XOXO,
Not Gossip Girl.

Dafuq is my life.

Effervescent. Enigmatic. Exciting. Ecstatic.
That, puffballs, is how I feel about my future.
2 rejections and 1 acceptance and I feel elated.
Why? Because I'm going to university, bitches.
I am going and making my dent in the world! I don't know how, but I will.
But how am I going to survive?
For the 18 years that I have graced this world with my bubbling presence, I have lived surrounded by a close family and a melange of friends. Never have I felt alone. I've never lived alone for a long period of time! I've never had to survive on a particular budget! I never had to do my own laundry or cook every day or go buy groceries for myself all the time!
I really need to stop whining, I know.
BUT I AM TERRIFIED.
That sense of security will be lacking for a while.
I can't help it.
It's a HUGE transition.
And its coming closer.
I can't wait for it but I'm hopelessly dreading it at the same time.
And my mother doesn't want me to go. She's freaking out too.
But I can't show her that I'm freaking out or she'll force me to stay.
I WANT TO GO. But I don't.
Its a lot to put down. My thoughts are going in a million directions about this.
So I can't really convey what I feel.
This is as far as I can go.
All my Love,
Tall Girl M.

Freaking out like a headless chicken with wonky legs.

So, I casually logged on to my Facebook this week, as per routine. And I saw these bunch of people from my school updating statuses about getting into university. And I started getting what I like to call 'quarter life crisis' So this is how my thought process went for about an hour:
OMGOMGOMGOMG These people got into university already. They have places to go. I haven't got any replies. WhatAmIDoingWithMyLife. Omg omg omg omg. This guy applied to the same university as me and got in. We sent our packets around the same time! Why haven't I got a reply? Does this mean they'll reject me? NOOOO That was my backup. Which means no school I applied to will accept me. All my friends are going to go to good universities in the US, UK, Canada and I'm going to be here. Alone. Who would want to talk the lame - o who didn't get in anywhere? And Im never going to go to Harvard Law. I'll never be a lawyer in New York! I'm not going to own a brownstone! I'm going to have to get married early to a fat Gujju guy and bear three kids who'll be named Jas or Suresh.
Oh My God.
My life is over.

There you have it.