Yes? No? Change? Grow?

'Regrets collect like old friends, and to relive your darkest moments'
I was at my B.F.O.A.T.A.S (Best Friend of All Time and Space) 's apartment. We hadn't talked in months. But we're the kind of friends who fall back into the same easiness even if we haven't talked in a decade.
So we talked and talked and while having one of our 'deep' and excruciatingly philosophical conversations, my friends sighs and mutters, 'Why does it matter now anyway? The past is unchangeable, its gone, we just have the future!' And at that point, I noticed, how she's changed. How she isn't the same cheery girl who laughed at the silliest things, how she isn't the same optimistic sappy idiot, how she's grown.
And I've noticed that I've changed too. How I'm not so eager to fall in love so much anymore, how I'm past being shallow and caring too much about how I look (Ok, I still care a little.. Okay, adequately) , how I'm past being the innocent, gullible schoolgirl who helped everyone. I'm not saying that I'm worse off now but ,more or less, I miss my lovey-dovey self.
I loved being the kid who fell in love with romance novels and wanted her ridiculously attractive and witty guy to sweep her off her feet, spinning her round and round. *sigh* . Those were the days.
(Hahahahaha, those days were exactly 5 months back, bitches)
But, I still love that I've changed. It took  one person, nay, the actions of a few people to make me realize that the way I behaved harmed no one but myself.
Now don't get on your high horse and think that I'm saying one should be ruthless and cunning and just achieve their life's ambition by harming others (Definition of a Slytherin, might I add. GRYFFINDOR FOREVER!)
The deal with growing up  comes with changing physically and/or emotionally.
You fall in love, you fall out of it.
You start hating people.
Your tastes in clothes, food, people change.
Your passion might change.
Your sexual orientation might change. (I'm all for Gay Support!)
Your opinion about people's sexual orientation might change. (Damn Homophobes.)
But, its okay to change.
If you're okay with it.
This post ended with a very different note than the one I intended on.
Whatever, lets Carpe Diem this shit.

Clear as the raging sea.

What has this 'war' have to do with me?
I'm aware of it raging all around me,
Trying to draw me in,
To fight, to bet, to win.
All I want is to stay alive,
To not breakdown and outright cry.
Why must they turn something as pure as friendship,
Into an ugly, twisted abyss of lies and hate?
I refuse to succumb to their levels,
I refused to do this up to this very date,
I will continue even if I was confronted by the Devil.
But it is suddenly as if this war was never fought.
And I look up and look around trying to clear the spots.
Did I just hallucinate all the reckless and sly verbal jousts?
I shake my head in anger and look at their sulky pouts.
I hadn't imagined any of the hurtful rumors and caressing lies,
They have just been hidden behind closed doors,
Cowardice has overtaken them, closed them in,
Fear traps them and stops them from spilling out like a river.
They call themselves friends,
Sisters, brothers, lovers, dunderheads.
As soon as the other's back is turned,
One whirls to the other and says,
"She is vile. I want her dead."
Another looks at yet again, another and thinks,
"He would never like HER, the slutty little minx"
Hate is an ugly feeling, Love is quite impossible at times.
But friendship is something that should not be taken lightly,
If you pursue to be dishonest, you could lose your humanity, oh so slightly.

Everything was Perfectly Normal.

All I hear is, "Hey"
I look up and turn away,
I hear your confused sigh,
I hear you walk on by,
Unwillingly, I turn,
Sadly, looking at your retreating back,
In my 'Inner Sanctum', I think,
of the night,
Like in Midsummer's Night dream,
Where all the fairies sprinkle love,
And make the eyes of the lovers' gleam.
We used to be like those lovers,
Laughing raucously and grinning,
But the dream had to end,
The laughing subsides,
We stare at each other,
I don't recognize you anymore,
The fairies disappear with a faint 'pop',
I give you one last look,
And walk away,
Leaving gloomy shadows in my wake.

You're Never Alone

“It’s okay to want something other than what you’re getting. And it’s even more okay to go out and get what you want if it makes you happy.”

No one said it would be easy,

Dandy and hunky dory,

Or a bed of roses.

Remember roses have thorns

They're beauty is captivating,

Such beauty can be dangerous,

You may sit for hours contemplating,

About your mundane life ,

Unremarkable instances and earthly desires,

Desires that consume you,

Threaten to harm your well being if not pursued.

You may think your life is satisfactory,

With the looming shadows of doubts hanging overhead.

No one said dreaming was forbidden

Or that you couldn't pursuit your illusion of happiness.

Those who possess bravery with fierce loyalty,

They're headstrong and run after their happiness,

But not without those who are close to them.

Those who possess cunning qualities,

Watch and wait, self serving and proud.

 This does not mean that you must choose.

This means that ,

You must gather your strength,

Rise from the ashes of your past,

Create your own illusions of happiness,

And pursue them as if there's no tomorrow.