For You.

I write this watching the sun go down. As I do this, a thousand memories come flooding to my mind, you, smiling at me, you, frowning because you're upset with me, you, laughing at my silliness, you, sad because I did something that made you upset, you, sulking because I'm sulking, you, freaking out because of my random moods. I remember all the good times and the bad. As I think of all this, my mind wanders to you, and I imagine you sitting at your desk keeping yourself busy and I wish I could slip into your mind and know what you're thinking, I wish I could see the way you see ME, but then I don't. I belong to you, and I always will. But sometimes, I suffocate. I suffocate thinking about us, thinking about the future. And I'm not happy. It was never said that Love would be a happy journey with a rainbow road and no clouds in the sky. It is a twisting, dark abyss full of mistakes and lies and hurt and tears. Part of it. The Story Of Us looks a lot like a tragedy now but I know don't want it to be. Maybe in 10 years when I'm an accomplished lawyer working as a senior associate at a top law firm in New York and I'm walking through Central Park, minding my own business and my nose up in the air like all those snooty parasitical lawyers, with a cup of coffee in my hand and you're walking towards me, a pilot for a big airline and we bump into each other and you ask me out to lunch and maybe we will get married in the next 6 months or we just say hello and walk away towards our individual futures, me, to my lawyer fiance and you to your airhostess girlfriend promising to keep in touch but we never speak to each other again and wonder what if? But I don't think we would say 'What If?' because we would choose people perfectly suited for us and would not have any animosity like we did in our respective relationships and if we do stay together it could either turn into a happy, bright future with no hurt feelings or a relationship full of fights,anger,hurt and regret. We would fight all day, stubborn as we both are. We were never the sort of people who would compromise for others, were we? And right now I see ourselves turning towards that path, and I would rather stay detached than losing you forever. We loved each other. But will we in 10 years? Let's find out.  I'll always Love you, one way or another. And I'm sorry.

Forever and always.

The Rush

What's the rush?
It's you, me and the stars
you make me blush
with one word
you brighten up the world
The darkness stays away
Because it knows of your goodness
your light, your love, your laughter
But when you depart,
The darkness descends upon me,
slowly,creeping its way through my mind.
Creating paranoid thoughts
about you, my love, my life
But I have to stay strong,
I cannot let darkness win,
I must be brave, i must be strong,
You will not always be there when I fall,
even if you promise,
It's probable that you cannot be there at all times,
I will not make you promise,
As I know I do not deserve a love like yours,
I try to push you away, but you softly say. 
'What's the rush?
It's you me and the stars
I like the way i make you blush
I like the way you tremble beneath my touch
But can't you see, It's not me,
It's your light keeping the darkness away,
The stars, Oh the stars, they shine bright for you,
'Cos they know how much I love you'

Who Cares?

As I sat in church today (Yes, I was born and raised a Catholic) and hummed about being the Lord's servant  along with the rest of the congregation, lightning in form of a random, irrelevant but interesting thought struck my over stuffed mind. What happens to people who drink too much soda? Well, except  for turning into a cart - driving - forever - chip - munching - and - yelling - at - strangers obese person what happens to you? Do your insides turn into a soda? Does your brain ooze soda? It's a silly thought and surely can be researched on the World Wide Web and it's various sources, one's imagination could run wild. I imagined that a soda addict could get a brain tumour, or cancer of the lungs, or soda could ooze out of his/her's mouth, ears and nose and other inappropriate places or this weird goo/pus thingie could form. I don't even know what weird off - the -top -of - my head poop I'm talking. Well so after humming about being the Lord's servant I decided I'd go blog about this (Not in some weird geeky, nerdy, lame manner but you know I find stuff like this interesting) Also, this is a serious issue, since a lot of adolescent peers of mine, and me, are addicted to soda and other well, harmful substances. So, if this goes on, in 10 years we're all going to be cart - driving - forever - chip - munching - and - yelling - at - strangers obese people, or we'd all be dead, 2012 and all. On this happy note, I'd like to conclude with,
SODA RULES BUT MAKES PEOPLE OBESE. BUT I DON'T CARE SO I'LL GO CRACK OPEN A CAN OF COCA COLA NOW. (atleast, it's not beer or anything, hey! another topic for my next post , again not in a weird, geeky, nerdy, lame, lonely person kind of way)
So, adios amigos. See ya, when I see ya.

'He's just like a friend to me now!' 'Really?' 'Yeah!.... No'

SO maybe this is going to be about the woes of a 16 yr old Drama Queen who can't get over the fact that her crush likes someone else. Or maybe not. I can't make up my mind right now. So I'll compose a poem.


Imprisoned by a world of Darkness
But so full of love
Trapped by the shackles of fear
Wounded by my own courage
They said , 'Be brave, stay strong'
My own bravery was set to destroy me
Annihilate me, Disembowal me
I fell back, fear overtook me
Shackled me, Pinned me to the wall
A big looming figure approches
I prepare for my gory death
But the figure pauses, and then walks away
The Light finds me, warm and happy as always.
But they have imprisoned me in a world of hate.
I try and try to escape,
To embrace the light,
But I can't pry open the bars,
I can't break the shackles
I will have to feel the little warmth and be content with what I receive,
Until the day comes, when i am set free.

Why?

Why a blog?
Mo ko Man put me up to it.
Who's Mo ko Man?
A character in my life who you will get acquainted with.
What the hell is a Mo ko Man?
A big panda.
How the hell do I know a big panda?
No friggin' idea.
Do I absolutely abhor the 'Idea' joke?
With all my pumping heart.
So, this is my new blog.
Mo ko man will be happy  I mentioned her in my first post.
Also I should get a commission for mentioning Idea in my first blog post. I mean it's MY blog and it's IDEA.
Am I conceited?
100%
Should I do something about it?
It's a phase. It'll go. Most probably.