Let's NOT make this about the End of the World, eh?

Watching My Fair Lady the other day, I really admired Audrey Hepburn's performance. I couldn't help but crack up at her accent. But nothing can beat Breakfast with Tiffany's. That movie just gives me the butterflies! Well so does chocolate, but you know what I mean? Don't you? DON'T YOU? *sobbing and wailing*

On that note, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE GOSSIP GIRL WRITERS? DAN HUMPHREY? REALLY? COULD YOU BE ANYMORE LAME?

Gosh. It should've been Dorota. Just sayin'.

Oh look, my Math Project.

Just sitting there.

Staring at me.

Waiting for me to edit it. 

Gah.

I have other things to worry about, don't I?

No, munchkins, not the end of the world but something close enough.

COLLEGE APPLICATIONS.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN. 

Essays! I love essays! But I can't seem to sit down and brainstorm. *insert snarky remark from best friend saying something about me not having a brain*

Everyday I'm Dumblin'!

That was random.

That's me  Random girl!

Her randomness will save you from your peaceful and orderly life!

I would make the WORST superhero in the history of superheroes.

Bah Humbug.

I need some fudge.

My new obsession is fudge. I type fudge randomly everywhere. 

FUDGE. 

Ramble on,

Tall Random Girl.

Pure Imagination

"Come with me, and you'll be in a world of pure imagination..."
This song has been in my head all day. I've been humming the lyrics all day. Dazedly dancing to them all day. Smiling to it all day. Well, its a beautiful song from one of the best kiddy movies - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. If you haven't heard the song, listen to it here. 

This song sums up my world. No, not my life but my own little nuclear missile-zombie-proof glass domed world. Which basically means its invincible, unless I like self destruction. Which I don't. I'm all for self - preservation (GO SLYTHERIN!). Okay, no, I would give up my life to save someone I love but it would take some time to wrap my head around it. I'm no Percy Jackson, if you know what I mean *cue elbow nudging and sly winks*. And if you don't know what I mean, HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK? GO RESEARCH RICK RIORDAN, YOU GUTTERTAILED SNIPE! (I learnt that insult from Pygmalion, cool innit?)

Yes, I'm a strange one, they say.I'm a fangirl. I belong to a number of fandoms. I'm a nerd. A dork. I personally think dorks are cool *pushing up metaphorical glasses*. I mean, dorks are generally happy people who are passionate about fictional characters and storylines and relationships but their passion is truly beautiful. Albeit creepy at times, but beautiful. Their faith in their fandoms don't waver. They don't feel the need to hide themselves because they're amongst thousands of people who can relate to them. Two strangers can become the best of friends, fall in love or hate each other due to their preference of certain fandoms. Like a 'Potterhead' smirks in distaste at a 'Twi-hard'  who fangirls over Team Edward/Jacob/Jedward. Well, its not the Potterhead's fault. Twi-hards are a bunch of nonsensical busybodies who drool after the result of a one night stand between Dracula and Tinkerbell. Oh yeah, I went there. *snaps fingers* Oh and they also thought J.K. Rowling stole the idea of Sirius Black from Jacob Black. I mean when I saw a post about this I was like -
ARE YOU DENSE? READ THE DATES, YOU IMBECILE! THAT WAS WAY BEFORE TWILIGHT EVEN DARED TO GET PUBLISHED! AND EVEN IF IT WASN'T, HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE QUEEN'S INTEGRITY? AS IF SHE'D FEEL THE NEED TO STEAL FROM A PUNY WRITER WHO DREAMS ABOUT SPARKLY VAMPIRES!
The Queen being J.K. Rowling, of course. 
I mean, I don't detest Twilight, but I'm not particularly fond of it either. Its very anti feminist, in my opinion. Chauvinistic. Misogynistic, a tad bit. It portrays women as if they need a man to function! 
Honestly. The nerve. 
Keep that imagination running like a hamster on its little hamster wheel,
That Girl with the Smile.
P.S. Don't even get me started on my OTP. And other strange OTPs out there. Like Dobby/Hermoine or Snamione. Or Snape/Lucius or Rarry . Oh My God, like, I can't even...

P!NK :D

PINK - Try
I love this song, the video, the feel, the choreography.
My, the choreography makes me want to cry. In a good, strange way.
I don't know why people disregard PINK saying she's too mainstream.
So what if she's mainstream?
Her songs are good.
And not too whiny.
And are really intense.
Blah.
Check it out.

Its my favorite time of the year!

Advent has commenced. You know what that means! Bring out the tree, the tinsel and the mistletoe! Stir the fudge, make sure your  goose doesn't burn and chill that eggnog! Play a few carols and dance around with a Santa hat on your head! Its CHRISTMAS, mes choux (?) ! *cue happy dance*
I love Christmas. I've always loved Christmas. Christmas toffee, parties and hot chocolate.
Damn Mumbai for its warmish weather though.
Buuttttt *drumroll* I'M GOING TO HAVE A WHITE CHRISTMAS!
No, don't get any racist thoughts, I meant snow.
I'm going to Europe! In the 2nd year of IB. I must have a death wish. But who cares! SNOW!
Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Rock!
:D
Here's something I composed on a whim:
Walking down the same road,
Smiling at the familiar nooks and crannies,
Waving at those weather beaten joyous faces,
Reminiscing about the old days,
When did it all go by?
Stand there, watch people rush past,
Little kids running around,
Laughing, crying, pushing,
Grinning wistfully,
Wishing you could go back,
You look one last time.
Turn away, before you crack,
You realise there's a whole new world,
The same road goes on 
But the old nooks and crannies - vanished
The weathered faces - replaced.
You don't recognize this,
But 'this' recognizes you,
You stroll down,
The nooks and crannies call out to you,
The unfamiliar faces wave at you,
The light shines out of you,
The same as before.

Effervescence all around.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and life will be like 'Whaaaa?'
I love the quote above. My best friend  put it up as her Whatsapp status a while back. Yes, yes, we like updating our Whatsapp statuses. That's just how cool we are :P
My cheeriness (?) is back! I don't know how. BOOM and I'm back, back back back!
And I decided to update my story so, here you go! Enjoy!

The writer ran and ran, searching for the cafe mentioned in the letter. She remembered seeing it but she couldn't remember the exact place. Nervously, she asked around and finally got the right directions. Jogging as fast and carefully (The ground was slippery because of the snow) as she could, she thought to herself, 'I hope they haven't left yet, or what if June's just waiting there and Jake doesn't come! Oh My God, I'll think I'll cry! Either way, this would make a great story! Don't think I'll publish it though!' She wasn't really paying attention to her surroundings and bumped into a couple holding hands. She squealed and fell right back on her backside! "OW! Oh God! I'm late, I have to GOOO!" The couple just stared at her, the girl was glaring and the guy was amused. The guy picked up her hat and held out his hand while the girl was whining, "Jaaakkeeeyyyy! We need to go! The play's about to start!". The writer accepted his proffered hand and got up, brushing her coat of any snow or dirt. She apologized and then froze.'Jake? No! It couldn't be!' "Oh , is your name Jake?" Jake replied, "Yes, do I know you?" The writer said, "You could say that, I think this letter is for you..." And she gave him the letter. hoping its the right Jake and didn't make a huge fool out of herself for no reason. He read the letter and choked out, "Who.. who gave this to you?" The writer smiled and said, "I found it, I think its fate!" and put her arms in the air in a ridiculous fashion. The girl snatched the letter and said , "Oh my, is this slag still after you!? She just can't keep her hands off my man!" The writer glared at her and Jake said, "Kayla, I'm sorry. But I have to go. I made a mistake." And he ran off in the direction of the cafe. Kayla was stunned but the writer exclaimed, "I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! WAAITTT!" She ran after Jake and saw him enter the cafe where a pretty green - eyed brunette as sitting in a corner drinking some coffee. She saw him call out to her - June - and you can guess what happened next, can't you?

Tear through my walls, slash away the curtains.

Your arms go around me,

Stopping the shivers,

Soothing my frazzled nerves,

The fear still courses through,

Like an electrical buzz,

An inviting tingle,

A crippling wave,

You try to reassure me,

With your nonsensical words,

Phrases and coos,

I giggle lightly, 

And look up,

My giggle fades,

You're smiling at me,

That mysterious, enigmatic smile,

You're the one person I can't read,

The one person I want to know,

The one person who means the world to me,

....And that's the one thing I can't tell you.

Why? You might run away,

In fear, In disgust, In confusion.

I don't want to ruin what we have.

I used to read you like my favorite book,

Reciting over the lines I knew.

Now.... you're like an ancient scripture.

Raising my insatiable curiosity,

But I don't have the key to your words, symbols.

I grin faintly, step out of your arms, 

.... And you let me go.

Just like that.

And Everything Crumbles like bad Apple Pie.

Anyone heard that song by the Zombies? She's Not There?

It goes something like this:

Well let me tell you 'bout the way she lookedThe way she'd act and the colour of her hairHer voice was soft and coolHer eyes were clear and brightBut she's not there

And I feel like the girl. Why? No particular reason. I just do. I believe everyone goes through this phase. My friend likes to call it 'Social Hibernation'.

Yes I, that effervescent, smiley, talkative girl, didn't contact her friends in any way for more than a week. I just left my room to eat or talk to one of my weird, inquisitive, family members to assure them that I am , indeed, alive. 

I've been living inside my head. MY HEAD. 

And reading random fanfics or books all day and night. 

Yes, I also can't sleep anymore.

Weird teenage hormones and weird phases. 

So I'm basically a hermit,

I also realised I haven't updated in a while and the masses mayhap be getting anxious due to the obvious lack of amusing rants. *sarcastic snort*

And about living in my head, I'm not sure if its healthy. I'm literally wrapped in my own little bubble now.

Thinking about nonsensical things and imaginary people with a mix of people I actually know.

Yes, I am indeed, insane.

But only the best people are. 

Alice said it, so I believe it. 

I'm the female Mad Hatter with the temperament of a grizzly bear,Spongebob and cheese.

I like cheese.

P.S. While I might be a tad loony, I'm not, contrary to popular belief, depressed.  Last week was one of the best weeks in my bleak (Eh, had to add some drama) existence.
Because, I've had the time of my liiiifffe
No, I've never felt this way beforrrrree.
Okay I'll stop now.
Bye.

Pick Me.Choose Me.Love Me.

So here goes my second attempt at clichéd stories.

The writer sits at her desk, well, writing. Or trying to, at the very least. She's been meaning to complete this article for a while now, but, at the moment, she can't seem to focus on anything at all. She rises from her chair and paces around the room and decides to go for a walk. She walks to her little living room, puts on her coat, wraps the scarf her ex boyfriend gave her last Christmas around her, sighs at the thought of said ex boyfriend, puts on her boots and walks out of her apartment. She walks down the rickety steps, bids good evening to her downstairs neighbour who just entered the building from some last minute Christmas shopping and starts walking towards the little park near her apartment complex. She was whistling to herself, thinking about the upcoming Christmas party at her office, when suddenly she steps on something and hears a loud 'crunch'. She peers down and spots the offending object. It is a crumpled up sheet of paper. She picks it up and attempts to smooth it out. Its a letter. Addressed to a 'Jake', curiosity overcame the writer and she sits down on a bench nearby and starts to read the letter. As soon as she started, guilt seeped into her pores like the light snow which started falling. 'This letter seems private. Its obviously meant for the eyes of this Jake person, how can I read this? Im invading someone's privacy!' This internal struggle went on for almost half an hour but the growing suspense won out and she read the letter. It went,
'Jake,
I don't know what to say. I don't know how to persuade you. I don't know how to express what I feel when I'm in front of you. So, I decided to write this letter.
I've been wrought with fear, anxiety, sadness, pain. Pain over losing you. Your love. Didn't you say you love me? Didn't you tell me you wouldn't go back?
She came back. I haven't seen you since. I haven't heard from you. You said you needed your space, but its been a month. What am I to think?
I feel like I've lost you. I feel it in every bone in my body.
I haven't cried. I'm too numb to cry.
I waited at our spot everyday, until today. Today was the last day I waited.
I regret everything I haven't said to you. I regret not saying 'I love you' when you did. I regret not telling you how I feel about you everyday. I regret not opening up to you.
I wish you knew. You wouldn't have left me then, would you?
But I don't blame you. How were you to know? You tried your best to relieve me of my loneliness, my fears, me reservations. You tried to understand. But I didn't let you, did I?
And now.... you've left.
For the first week, I stayed with the one person I could tolerate other than you. I know you hate him, but he is my best friend. But after a while, I left. Even he couldn't do anything to save me.
I put the letter under our little rock or  'Brody' , that stupid name you gave it.
I'll be waiting at the cafe next to Smith's tomorrow at 6.30. I know you won't find this, but a girl can hope, can't she?
So Pick me. Choose Me. Love ME.
Because, I love you.
June.'

The letter was dated the day before that fateful day. It was 6.15. The writer had to see what happened. She ran towards the cafe. 

Will you?

So I found the book of poems I wrote when I was about 14. Yes, I was a sad little teenager with a book of poems who used to write sad little poems in a dark little corner, away from everyone. It was a phase. Boohoo. Have no idea what was going through my mind at the time. Here's one of 'em

People say we're infintely different from each other,
But about what people say, we shouldn't bother,
Admittedly, you drive me completely insane,
But what's love without a little pain?

Maybe I control everyone,
You know I can't control you,
Even though you don't know I'm the one,
You'll always need me won't you?

Maybe one day you won't need me,
You know I'll always need you,
I know you know that,
But will you be there to see me through?

I've been hurt before,
It felt like my heart was being sliced into half,
I don't want to feel that anymore,
So will you be there to see me laugh?

Ok so the poem goes on to some 6 more stanzas and honestly I don't have the patience or the nerve to go through with this. I don't even know why I'm putting this up. I feel stupid. And Emo-ish. And stupid. 

There's No More Fight In You.

For a moment there you feel helpless,
Scared,
You're all cried out,
There's no more fight in you.
The going got too tough,
You didn't know how to cope anymore,
Your nightmares turned into reality,
Your dreams shattered into oblivion,
You're standing on the edge of the sea,
Incapable of thinking, comprehending,
All hope is lost,
All your faith, dissipated.
There's no more fight in you.
You're fallen to your knees,
The tears start flowing for the umpteenth time,
You bury your face in your hands.
What do you do?
You get the fight back.
How?
Think of one thing you love,
One person, one book, one show,
The one thing you absolutely believe in.
And there you go,
You get the fight back in you.

Demons

I've never had any 'past demons' or 'skeletons in the closet'.

I've been brought up in a healthy, happy environment with enough luxuries and an adoring family.

I've always been strong emotionally and I'm thick headed half the time.

So, I've never actually known what real pain is.

Or the real troubles of life.

Honestly, I live in a bubble.

In this bubble, I frolic about with my happy thoughts and inane musings.
And most people might think that I'm self centred or shallow.
Although, truthfully, I just dream a lot.
I care about all my friends and my family so much that I would do anything for them.
They're mine.
But back to the issue at hand.
I daydream a lot. I get distracted. I think about nothing to everything.
My mind is like the middle of Times Square on a busy working morning.
But for a few months, I cant seem to shake this feeling off.
Maybe it just angoisse d'adolescent or maybe its something else.
Maybe its a boy?
Not likely. I haven't found anyone remotely interesting enough for quite some time. Or someone who can
keep up with my ravings.
Bah. I'm picky, I guess.
I still don't have any demons.
I don't know if I want them.
I just want to know how it feels?
I honestly don't comprehend what inspidious, befuddling ravings I have composed.
Lord Help Me.
Who is reading this stuff anyway?
You stupid sack of wine, no one is.
I must stop conversing with myself.
See ya when I see ya,
That Girl with the Smile.

Desire to break free.

'Tis a teenage thing, I reckon - the persistent desire for freedom. Why? I think its just our way of thinking.
We're under the guidance of our parents through the most tumultuous period of our lives - the start of *ding ding ding* PUBERTY.
Not that I'm suggesting that Puberty is the reason we like to rebel and yell 'FREEEDOOOMM FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!!' (I think that last part is just me) But, it is a part of it.
Our hormones go uppp and downnn and we're under the impression that no one but our friends shall understand what we're going through.
We have school work to do.
We have grades to keep up.
We have fandoms to follow.[Potterhead, Starkid, Gleek, Holmie (see what I did there?]
We have crushes to drool after.
We have feelings to hollow.
We have friends to share laughter.
We have times to face, solo.
So after a certain point, I think all of us want to rise from the ordinary and break away.
That's why I think the summer programme I attended was good for me, in a way.
I love my family and friends but I had that small time window where I could breathe the fresh air of change.
Change in the environment, people, food, change in the type of freedom.
It surged through me, electrically and I felt it all the way up and down my spine.
It was one of the best feelings in the world. For me, atleast.
It just changed my outlook. Not wholly, of course but to a certain amount.
I haven't changed personally, in my opinion.
But I want to feel that feeling again.
That charge, that excitement. The adventure of it all.
This, is a personal feeling.
I don't know who reads all my rantings and ravings anyway but if you are reading this, it may be different for you.
Maybe it isn't the freedom per se, but the thrill for the unknown.
Or both.
Whatever it was, it made me ... shine brighter, I suppose. It guided me toward my place in the world.
Now all I need to do is go and find it.
Bon Voyage, cheries.
That Girl with the Bright Eyes and the Big Smile.

Sudden Sparks.

Silver glinting in the sun,
Terror, terror, why are you here?
The slash of the blade,
Run, run, save yourselves,
Metal being waved in the air,
Shoot, shoot, bang, bang,
Run for your lives, your loves.
The atmosphere is charged,
A sudden spark, it reeks of oil,
The world around you is on fire.
Guns are reloaded,
Blades are cleansed of blood,
The numbing fight commences,
The paralysing fear holds you in place,
The plague of death surrounds your being,
Fight ? Or Flight?
Survival with an escape?
Die with honour?
Stand alone with faith?
Turn traitor to feed your family?
Speed up, accelerate,
Time is running out,
What will you choose?
Only the numbing fight shall decide. 

She wants to live in the sun.

So this is the most clichéd piece of fiction I have written.Ever. Why? I felt like it, that's why. And I was particularly moved by the worst movie of all time. 

She hears his voice echo in her head, over and over in the same dull thrum, "No. No. Never. Not you and me. We don't fall. Fall apart". She's alone, however. Alone in her solitude of discomfort and pain. Its 4 am. He's awake, she knows he's awake.....

He's awake. Sitting on the rugged carpet of his disorganized bedroom, twirling his phone with his fingers, waiting for the text that may never come. For the first time, he feels how she feels, alone and in the never ending abyss of swirling nightmares and banished dreams. Dreams of hope and... love. He closes his eyes, she closes hers and they dream of a distant memory... they dream together....

They're in a park. Its a summer afternoon. The scene is typical of what you can imagine about a balmy summer afternoon, children squeal and run around, blowing bubbles and play with water guns. Young couples sit under trees and say sweet nothings to one another. Parents sit on picnic blankets, chatting and laughing while berating their kids to stop troubling some sweet old lady. The sweet old lady sits with her book, waiting for her husband to come back from his daily rounds. But back to our couple. No, they're not like the other young couples, crooning and flirting under the trees and rowing on the river. No, our young female character is sitting on a high branch of a tree, munching on an apple and reading... "War and Peace? " a voice calls out, dubious and confused. She looks around and sees a young boy sitting on an even higher branch of the tree opposite hers, eating what looks like a whole chicken stuffed between two slices of bread. 

"Problem, boy?" she replies, her eyebrows raised and a patronising smirk. He just looks at her, with his golden brown eyes, scrutinising her expression with a calculating look in his strange, warm but cold, expressive but mysterious, eyes. "No, not at all. I was just wondering why would anyone read that monotonous and self righteous compilation on such a beautiful day."  Her mouth drops open. 

And the same old, sweet, surrendering magic begins...

It was as if they sensed each other, they both opened their eyes at the same time, breathing slowly. 

It was summer again. It was a year since they met. It was 10 months since they've been apart.

And suddenly a flash of gold streams through the window, right into the girl's face. Its a new day. Reminding her. The same flash of gold. The calculative flash of his eyes appears in front of her.

She doesn't feel the darkness anymore.

I like you more than I like chocolate.

This is like a song stuck in my head...

Your back's turned to me,
I walk towards you,
You turn your head,
And life turns mute,
Your laugh echoes in my brain,
I smile at you too,
I wonder if I'll get over,
Over you.

Everyday, everyday,
I hope for something new,
Something to get me out,
Out of these blues.
I see your face,
And everything turns brighter,
I see your smile, your eyes, your wit, your passion, your love,
And everything turns lighter,
I owe it all to you,
All to you.

You catch my eye,
And talk to me,
Laugh with me,
Making me smile.
But you don't see,
How much you affect me,
Affect my train of thought,
My smile, my mind.
I know nothing's going to be returned,
Not the affection,
Not the feelings.
Not anything, not anytime or place.


Everyday, everyday,
I hope for something new,
Something to get me out,
Out of these blues.
I see your face,
And everything turns brighter,
I see your smile, your eyes, your wit, your passion, your love,
And everything turns lighter,
I owe it all to you,
All to you.

My Reason to Hate Goodbyes, Airports and Aeroplanes.

People say Life is full of everything - ecstasy, pain, anger, sadness, hellos, goodbyes, love, heartbreak, etc.
And of course it is. I know I'm just pointing out something everyone past the age of 5 knows, but sometimes, I think, we need to be reminded of all this.
I haven't said goodbye to someone in a long time. (And by goodbye I don't mean, 'Bye, I'll see you tomorrow!')
I mean, a real goodbye when one leaves the country for some period of time (I'm such a sap).
And before, when I did say goodbye like this, it didn't mean much.
The last year has been one of the happiest, cacophonic, disastrous, years of my life. Yet. (I'm HARDLY 17)
And in this last year I've met some of the most frustrating, annoying, wonderful, beautiful (inside and out), mysterious, nerve wracking people I've ever known.
These talented individuals are now my best friends.
Sure, I've had best friends since I was little but I think I've done some real growing in the last year. (Says the girl who still squeals like a pig when she sees a spider. Or anything chocolate)
I've lost good friends but gained a lot more.
I've grown another inch or two. (*sigh* Will this ever stop?)
I've loved and lost.
I haven't cried over silly things.
I've matured a liiiiitle more.
So, this time when I bid a hearty (Dafuq? Why do I use words like 'hearty'?) farewell to my family ('friends' seems to simple and insignificant), I felt something.
Well, I didn't cry or anything (I've never cried saying goodbye, I really don't know why) but I felt this aching sadness realizing I'm not going to see this people for half a month.
I won't talk to them everyday or randomly meet them at coffee shops and sit for hours talking about nothing to everything (BooSoo :/)
I won't sit for hours talking in my room about the SILLIEST and WILDEST crap for 15 days (Mo :( )
I won't flirt and exchange Harry Potter pick up lines for 15 days (Shay :( )
I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, will miss you blithering idiots.
See you on the 6th <3

Smiling at the thought.

I never really cared about defying the odds, being one in a million or being unique. All I cared about was what a handful of people thought of me, or if they liked/loved/accepted me.
Because, those handful of people whom you love with all your being are those wun-derr-full set people who can save you from yourself, encourage you to strive for your goals, be there for you always. (Gah. I sound like a bore)
This handful of people are those worthy individuals whom without, you can't, well I wouldn't say 'live' but not function well enough, maybe. (Even I don't know what this implies, btw)
And sometimes, or most of the times (it depends on the person, really) those crazy peeps feel the same way about you.
One may say that they prefer to live in solitude and do their own thing but honestly, if you take down all those walls and barriers all you find is a human being aching for loneliness. (Burst your bubble, didn't I, emo weirdos?)
One is lonely, Two's a company, Three's a party. (Randomly deviated from idea to confuse reader? Done)
I'm not saying that an individual needs some company at all times but you're just playing with your emotions and yourself if you think that you can truly stay alone all your life.
Because, the harsh truth is, it drives you crazy. You can go, maybe a week, staying alone, but if you don't meet that one particular friend, lover, family member for an excruciating period of time, you'll lose your mind. Okay, I may have been a tad dramatic, but you sure won't be a happy camper. (Don't you want to be happy like Larry? Then get ready like Freddy! .... I'm still weird)
For me, its my siblings (pfuit) , my three best friends, and my parents.
Love isn't something you choose to fall into. It isn't something you can control at times, and those who try to control it only end up making it worse for themselves.
And all I cared about was being one in a million. Not for the world to see, no, but for those 10 people.
So, think. Who are those ten crucial people in your life?
Always and forever,
That Girl with the Smile.
P.S. Remember, when you love someone with all your heart and they reciprocate the same feelings, you never really let go, no matter what.

'We're just better off.....' 'Together? Alone? What?' 'No, Happy'

Most girls have their girl best friends who they can gossip with, talk of cute boys and the latest clothes, who's hot, who's not, who's making up and who's breaking up.
Lucky girls have their straight guy best friends who they can gossip with, talk about cute boys, who's hot, who's not, who's screwing around, food, forever alone-ism, and everything about life basically.
I've heard people say that a girl and a guy can't be very good friends. I beg to differ.
I have a guy best friend who is heterosexual and I'm not in love with him.
Oh, I love him, sure. But you know, as a pet dog or something of that sort.
Well, I'm not insinuating that he's my bitch, but you get me, right? RIGHT?
Don't nod away, with those scared expressions. I'm serious.
When you're best friends with a good guy, you don't have to worry about them backstabbing you or spreading rumors about you.
Why, you ask?
Because:
1) They don't really care.
2) They most likely have forgotten your big secret.
3) They like to focus on much more important things such as eating, drinking, umm and other unmentionables.
4) They're too scared you might reveal their big secret, like the fact that they cried during a particular Disney movie which involves a girl locked up in a tower with really, really, REALLY long golden blonde hair.
HAHA, I'm evil.
And sometimes, believe it or not, they give you the BEST advice.
Well, and sometimes, the stupidest.
So here's a tribute to my best guy friend, my partner in crime, my possible future husband (Always ALWAYS keep backup husbands).

Sometimes, friends aren't chosen by you.
It just happens, and before you know it,
They're stuck to you like glue.
Friends aren't optional,
They're like family,
A shoulder to cry on.
And I wanted to thank you,
For being my crying shoulder,
My punchbag, my best friend,
My smile, my boulder.
You're one of my favorite people,
I hate you but I adore you.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Really, and I'm always going to be there for you,
So don't try to get rid of me,
I'll always be there, no matter what you do.

Yes? No? Change? Grow?

'Regrets collect like old friends, and to relive your darkest moments'
I was at my B.F.O.A.T.A.S (Best Friend of All Time and Space) 's apartment. We hadn't talked in months. But we're the kind of friends who fall back into the same easiness even if we haven't talked in a decade.
So we talked and talked and while having one of our 'deep' and excruciatingly philosophical conversations, my friends sighs and mutters, 'Why does it matter now anyway? The past is unchangeable, its gone, we just have the future!' And at that point, I noticed, how she's changed. How she isn't the same cheery girl who laughed at the silliest things, how she isn't the same optimistic sappy idiot, how she's grown.
And I've noticed that I've changed too. How I'm not so eager to fall in love so much anymore, how I'm past being shallow and caring too much about how I look (Ok, I still care a little.. Okay, adequately) , how I'm past being the innocent, gullible schoolgirl who helped everyone. I'm not saying that I'm worse off now but ,more or less, I miss my lovey-dovey self.
I loved being the kid who fell in love with romance novels and wanted her ridiculously attractive and witty guy to sweep her off her feet, spinning her round and round. *sigh* . Those were the days.
(Hahahahaha, those days were exactly 5 months back, bitches)
But, I still love that I've changed. It took  one person, nay, the actions of a few people to make me realize that the way I behaved harmed no one but myself.
Now don't get on your high horse and think that I'm saying one should be ruthless and cunning and just achieve their life's ambition by harming others (Definition of a Slytherin, might I add. GRYFFINDOR FOREVER!)
The deal with growing up  comes with changing physically and/or emotionally.
You fall in love, you fall out of it.
You start hating people.
Your tastes in clothes, food, people change.
Your passion might change.
Your sexual orientation might change. (I'm all for Gay Support!)
Your opinion about people's sexual orientation might change. (Damn Homophobes.)
But, its okay to change.
If you're okay with it.
This post ended with a very different note than the one I intended on.
Whatever, lets Carpe Diem this shit.

Clear as the raging sea.

What has this 'war' have to do with me?
I'm aware of it raging all around me,
Trying to draw me in,
To fight, to bet, to win.
All I want is to stay alive,
To not breakdown and outright cry.
Why must they turn something as pure as friendship,
Into an ugly, twisted abyss of lies and hate?
I refuse to succumb to their levels,
I refused to do this up to this very date,
I will continue even if I was confronted by the Devil.
But it is suddenly as if this war was never fought.
And I look up and look around trying to clear the spots.
Did I just hallucinate all the reckless and sly verbal jousts?
I shake my head in anger and look at their sulky pouts.
I hadn't imagined any of the hurtful rumors and caressing lies,
They have just been hidden behind closed doors,
Cowardice has overtaken them, closed them in,
Fear traps them and stops them from spilling out like a river.
They call themselves friends,
Sisters, brothers, lovers, dunderheads.
As soon as the other's back is turned,
One whirls to the other and says,
"She is vile. I want her dead."
Another looks at yet again, another and thinks,
"He would never like HER, the slutty little minx"
Hate is an ugly feeling, Love is quite impossible at times.
But friendship is something that should not be taken lightly,
If you pursue to be dishonest, you could lose your humanity, oh so slightly.

Everything was Perfectly Normal.

All I hear is, "Hey"
I look up and turn away,
I hear your confused sigh,
I hear you walk on by,
Unwillingly, I turn,
Sadly, looking at your retreating back,
In my 'Inner Sanctum', I think,
of the night,
Like in Midsummer's Night dream,
Where all the fairies sprinkle love,
And make the eyes of the lovers' gleam.
We used to be like those lovers,
Laughing raucously and grinning,
But the dream had to end,
The laughing subsides,
We stare at each other,
I don't recognize you anymore,
The fairies disappear with a faint 'pop',
I give you one last look,
And walk away,
Leaving gloomy shadows in my wake.

You're Never Alone

“It’s okay to want something other than what you’re getting. And it’s even more okay to go out and get what you want if it makes you happy.”

No one said it would be easy,

Dandy and hunky dory,

Or a bed of roses.

Remember roses have thorns

They're beauty is captivating,

Such beauty can be dangerous,

You may sit for hours contemplating,

About your mundane life ,

Unremarkable instances and earthly desires,

Desires that consume you,

Threaten to harm your well being if not pursued.

You may think your life is satisfactory,

With the looming shadows of doubts hanging overhead.

No one said dreaming was forbidden

Or that you couldn't pursuit your illusion of happiness.

Those who possess bravery with fierce loyalty,

They're headstrong and run after their happiness,

But not without those who are close to them.

Those who possess cunning qualities,

Watch and wait, self serving and proud.

 This does not mean that you must choose.

This means that ,

You must gather your strength,

Rise from the ashes of your past,

Create your own illusions of happiness,

And pursue them as if there's no tomorrow.

The Inevitable Future

'It's not the broken dreams that break us, It's the ones that we didn't dare to dream.'
The same path I once took,
The same people I once knew,
The same effervescent surroundings I once drank in,
Now struggling to stay alive,
In a tiny corner of my mind.
The tranquility of mind,
Frowns at the memory,
Glaring at it,
As if to tell it to hush down.
The memory shrinks back in fear,
But a moment later it stands up,
Glares right back and decides to fight.
To stay alive, to show me that its still there for me
It won't leave me alone, No matter what I do.
I sigh, and let the memory flow in my mind's eye.
I see the path, the people.
I see their faces and their love for me.
And then I see the face
The face I grew to love and hate at the same time.
I try to shove it away,
But it doesn't go away,
Said face is trying to tell me something,
Its trying to tell me that,
'I tried to be there, I couldn't, I'm sorry'
I see myself running away from the scene,
From the face. 
From the malice, the pain, the overbearing silence,
Right back into his arms.
 

Spinning, Dancing, Laughing, Crying

'Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it'
The above line isn't written by me but as soon as I read it, I loved it and came up with this:
I searched everywhere for him,
Him, who appears in my dreams,
With the laughing eyes which twinkle like the stars,
With the smile full of happiness like an ocean full of water,
With the laughter of a lion 
And a mind full of euphoric thoughts,
With the emotional range of a teaspoon,
 And the constant confused expression over my moods,
With the understanding of a sea lion,
But the brain of a mad scientist,
With the empathy of a butcher's knife,
But the kind heart of St.Valentine,
With the friendliness of a crab,
But the loyalty that a knight feels towards it's king,
He consistently appears in my dreams,
Makes my head spin around,
It's like I'm taking off of the ground,
Laughing and spinning and shouting with him,
Then, one day I realized,
I already have this,
I have this boy,
The same eyes,laughter,smile
The heart, the emotions and the loyalty,
He was right in front of me, smiling all along,
Waiting for me to realize.

Nightmare

A sliver of dark light creeping through the crack,

Like an evil mist waiting to engulf me,

A breath of cool wind flowing through the air,

The numbness fading from my fingers,

Flash of lightning illuminates the room.

Slowly swinging my legs o the floor,

Curling my toes in response to the cold,

Trembling, shaking, shivering I stand.

I take the first step.. and stumble

I fall and land on my knees and palms,

A shrill sound escapes me.

I hear footsteps running, running ... running

Someone trips and curses, I flinch.

I flinch and get up hurriedly, clumsily making my way to the window,

Trying to find a way to escape,

To get away from him, it,

This horrible, terrifying monster.

The sound of the footsteps turn louder and louder,

I open the window, duck out and stand on the ledge.

The door crashes open, he runs in,

I jump while he tries to catch me, his hand outstretched,

And then, miraculously, I wake up.

We're all a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness - and call it love - true love.

I like to believe that I'm different. Unique. A non crowd pleaser. The 'Rebel'. 
I think everyone likes to believe that about themselves.
Why do we have this constant need to be different?
Don't say it's human nature or it's some psychological process.
Our generation thinks that to be different is too be 'cool'.
That if we're different we'll be accepted.
But if you're different because you want to be accepted won't that just make you like everyone else?
You must have heard this a thousand times - 'Be Yourself'. No one knows who themselves are.
Well, maybe except for Carl Jung and most the Jungians and their tree of self realization. Stupid psychoanalysts.
The thing is you change constantly. So who is 'you'?
Change is constant in human life.
So my advice is, be who or what you want to be, no matter who you are.
Because if you don't like who you are, it's up to you to change it.
And if you don't know who or what you want to be then try to find out. And until you find out just relax and enjoy every day.
'Cos life's too short to even care at all.
 

A Thousand Thoughts.

I love you,
Te amo,
Je t'aime,
Just doesn't make everything the same.
The people who comforted me before,
I can't stand to see anymore.
I try to move on from mistakes,
But ghosts of my past,
Keep pulling me back.
But there is a change somewhere within me,
A new sense of rhythm, a new flow of music surrounds me.
It's like the beat of the drums,
Take me far away,
To Paradise, to say the least,
But then a crashing sounds brings me,
Back to Reality.

Snares Of Delusion.

Our love is more special than a thousand stars,

It was forged in the fires of Olympus,

Cooled in the River Styx,

Charged by Aphrodite's Light.

For years, I sat in the darkness

Slipping, slipping away

A pale hand stretched towards me

I brush the hand, amazed, with a tiny sliver of hope,

The hand takes a hold of my fingers,

I muffle an escaping shriek,

I let it pull me out of my self made hellhole,

It was you, I thought it would be you,

That enigmatic smile on your face

Makes my heart go berserk.

I smile in response trying to form words,

But you, brushed my tangled hair away from my face,

Kissed my forehead and said, "I know"

I continue smiling, touch your cheek and say, 

"I know you do too"

Nothing, No One

Is my destiny pathless?
Like the sands of the Sahara desert
With no roads, no survivors,
No happiness, only pain,
A mirage here and there,
To satisfy my hopes and dreams
I choose to ignore this destiny,
I choose to make my own,
Which will be like,
A sunny day on an island,
In the middle of nowhere,
Beautiful, self content,
Paradise to say in the least,
I choose to standup,
To do the right thing,
To avoid the norms,
To live forever,
Through my works,
Through my determination,
Through the future generations,
I choose to be nothing like you.